we're fixing to die

It’s rare for a Poludinca demon to last for so long on Earth. Justine was lucky enough to last ten years from the day she got her wings. Her Calling had eaten away at her, and in the end, it got too much. She’d been in and out of hospital for the last few months with various kinds of organ failure and by now, the damage done was simply too much.

It was too intense for even the most experienced Angel of Healing to deal with and as much as Abby begged her to let her help, the demon would not allow her to end up killing herself over her. Gabe needed her, and she would not take away his sister.

After so many years of living in fear of herself and her sickness, she finally accepted and calmly waited for death.
It didn’t make things any easier, though. It certainly didn’t make things any easier for Del. As much as wanted to die, she didn’t want to hurt him. She had never wanted to hurt him.

He’d been her Guardian for seven years now, and it was something she would always be grateful for. He was the one person who was several things: he was her best friend, her big brother, sometimes her father, her carer, her protector. He’d stay when she begged him to leave, cheer her up when she felt sad or lonely, wiped her mouth when she threw up, gave her the little things she had been denied most of her life.

He was hers, she was his. Guardian and Ward.

And now she had to leave him.

She was sorry for that, she really was. She hated how she was going to hurt him, how she’d leave him and take a part of him with her when she did. She’d read enough about Guardian/Ward relationships and bonds, she knew what would happen to him. She knew it might kill him. She didn’t want to die and let that happen. She couldn’t.
But she couldn’t keep living anymore. Her body couldn’t do it any longer.

He hadn’t left her side for the last few days. He couldn’t physically bring himself to do so even when she wanted him to go home and rest. He looked exhausted; dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, his clothes and hair dishevelled.

And when she awoke to find him dozing off in the chair at her bedside, she didn’t have the heart to wake him.
She didn’t want to go without saying goodbye.

“Del.” His name came out like a gasp, her mouth dry and throat crackly.

He was awake in an instant, green eyes peering at her with concern. He smiled a little and leant forward in his chair, taking her hand.

“Hey, how you doing little lady?”

Justine tried to smile but it couldn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Could.. could you do me a favour?”

“Anything.”

She swallowed thickly, “Could you hold me? Just.. just for a little while.”

“’Course I can.”

Carefully, he got onto the bed with her and trying not to disturb any wires or equipment, pulled her close. Justine fell against him heavily, her eyes closing for a moment. She didn’t have long, she knew that.

“Thank you.” She breathed.

“You don’t need to thank me, I’m happy to.”

Justine moved her head a fraction, “No… not that.”

She was quiet for a while, trying to muster the energy to speak. Her throat didn’t want to cooperate, but she was going to say what she wanted to say.

“I wanted to thank you… for everything. For.. for being my Guardian. You’ve.. you’ve done… so much for me.” She swallows thickly again, feeling tears in her eyes. “You.. you made me happy.”

Del listened, his hold on her tightening a fraction. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want her to say goodbye – but he knew that’s what it was. And if she wanted to say it, he’d let her.

“I’m.. I’m sorry I have to leave you.” She said after a long pause.

“Don’t apologise, okay?” he told her gently. “It’s not your fault.”

“I’m… I-I’m sorry, anyway.”

He pressed a kiss to her clammy brow and sighed. He didn’t know what to say to say to her. The words died in his throat and he couldn’t bring himself to speak. He was going to miss her. Not just as a Ward, but as a friend. He, Gabe and Abby had very much adopted her over the years. She was Eddings, even if they didn’t share the same blood.

“I don’t… want to say goodbye.”

Del looked at her, his brow rising slightly. “Then don’t. We won’t say goodbye, it means it’s not the end.”

“Does it?”

“Yeah,”

There was a small pause.

“... I love you, Del.”

“Love you too, Jus.”

And after that, she said no more.